Let it be known, I don’t really have to try for anything in my life. I live comfortably with my big family in my big house. Being the only girl out of six, my parents gave me all the attention I needed and spoiled me. I didn’t ask for much and they always gave it to me. It even frustrated me at times. I would be prepared to suffer because of my mistakes and follies, but they fixed it for me. It makes me mad. I hate when they make it sooo easy.

I’ve always gotten good grades. School comes very easy to me, as do most other skills. I’ve never had to work hard for that. People enjoy my company for some reason or another. A lot of them describe me as funny and/or cute and artistic. I hate that too. I’m not funny. I’m sarcastic and rude. I’m not cute, just stupid, and I hate that all they see me for is the doodles they’ve seen on the side of a notebook page.

I haven’t been happy in a very long time. When you have everything there isn’t anything to work for. I don’t like to be around people, but if I wanted to I’d just have to make a few calls and I could have a night on the town. It comes to bore me. That isn’t what I want. I don’t feel right if I don’t have a project going or some crazy idea for a webcomic running through my head. That’s not a problem for me either.

Long story short, I don’t have to try. Because I don’t have to try I never put any effort into anything. I don’t put effort into my clothing, I don’t clean my room, I do the minimum required of me, and I cut my hair short so I don’t have to deal with that either. I’m lazy and most of the time I don’t look very nice. I never take more responsibility than I have to. Or at least that WAS the case. Someone changed me.

All I’ve ever wanted, for as long as I could remember, was somebody to love. I didn’t think I’d ever get anybody and certainly not the someone that I did.

It’s really weird being in a relationship. Everything is different. It makes a person want to be happy all the time and nice to everyone. Having a significant other is, to me, the equivalent of shared electrons in chemical bonds. It’s exciting and there’s someone to share the negative (and the positive) with you.

I didn’t realize either of us had changed until someone pointed it out to me. My best friend, just as an off statement, happened to say “he’s changed since he’s been with you. He’s happier.” Looking at the bigger perspective she was right. He refused to smoke for my sake, he stopped swearing, he told me he was trying to become a decent person so that he could “be worthy of [me].” Little did I know, I was doing the same. I started waking up on time, brushing my hair in the morning, showering more often, cleaning, doing my chores. I didn’t realize I was doing all these things. I just knew that I wanted to try harder to be a good person and to be responsible.

I think in the end, he needed someone to care and I needed a reason to care. In a little bit of circular reasoning “We’re together because it makes sense, and it makes sense because we’re together.”

As an end all the someone that I love changed me in a way I couldn’t imagine.

 

I once had the pleasure of meeting a woman who rarely left her home. In fact, she didn’t want to leave her home. The woman I met was plagued with a disorder called agoraphobia,“an intense fear and anxiety of being in places where it is hard to escape, or where help might not be available.” (“Agoraphobia: Medlineplus”). It was easy to tell she was suffering. What hurt her most, though, was not being able to see her family. This woman was lonely.

It was physically obvious she was suffering, and that’s what left the biggest impression on me. She was confined to the walls of her home as a result of her disorder and could not enjoy the company of others. Loneliness itself is commonly felt among people. It often results as a side effect of a disorder such as agoraphobia or depression, but it doesn’t have to. Loneliness tends to stem from the isolation of one’s self or the feeling of being separated from others. Extreme loneliness can be caused by isolation or disorders and vice versa. In any case, study upon study upon study shows us that the effects isolation can be detrimental to our health.

There are so many paths that could lead to extreme loneliness and paths that follow after extreme loneliness. “Loneliness is a universal human emotion, yet it is both complex and unique to each individual,” Kendra Cherry, a psychology expert, says. The woman’s agoraphobia wasn’t caused by her loneliness, but rather her loneliness was caused by her agoraphobia.  “I had never ever been depressed, it’s why I could survive emotionally as a shut-in,” Kenny Erickson states in an article written about his story. This man shut himself in his home in the thoughts that no one would ever be able to understand him. He rarely left for five years. He eventually became lonely and depressed despite his supposed emotional strength. In reality it wasn’t his strength that kept him from becoming depressed for so long, but his lack of connections. When he realized he needed others is when he began to feel lonely and developed a disorder.

It isn’t healthy to be alone for that long. There are many risks that factor into isolation in all its different forms. In a study led by Donald Hebb, university students were isolated completely. Their senses were minimized, each and every one of them. The students participating in the study quickly became restless and highly emotional. The experiment ended quickly, much to the scientist’s disappointment, due to the alarming distress of the students. The effects in Hebb’s study are similar to the effects of isolation in real situations. The average mind quickly becomes restless when left without stimulation for long periods of time. Still, this is just one of the mental consequences of isolation. The physical effects of isolation and loneliness are numerous. Loneliness even breaks down the body’s defenses. Katharine Gammon, a Livescience contributor, highlights some of the more concerning effects. According to her, “[A person’s] immune system chooses to focus on bacteria rather than viral threats. Without the antiviral protection and the body’s antibodies produced against various ills, the result means a person has less ability to fight cancers and other illnesses.” This means that our bodies are so focused on our social stress, or lack of human interaction, that it’s shutting down some of its necessary functions. The body, in this form, is a danger to itself.

It’s important that we are aware of the effects of extreme loneliness and isolation so we can help ourselves if we are ever found in a bad situation. Some of the causes of depression, agoraphobia, loneliness, etc., are “social-cultural factors that encourage avoidant coping strategies” (Agoraphobia: All About Counseling), trauma, and just plain heartbreak. It’s important that we face our challenges and do not let them deteriorate into something that could be harmful to us. Having others around and having connections mitigates that sense of loneliness and need to isolate. “Researchers also find that people with strong social connections have less stress-related health problems, lower risk of mental illness, and faster recovery from trauma or illness.” (“Connecting” PBS). People like people and are happier when they keep a few around.

The woman I met was lonely. I could tell by her physical appearance. She was pale, thin, and closed off. Her body language told me that she was scared of the world, her words and deeds told me she wanted a change. This woman was fighting her agoraphobia, and though she may lapse, she keeps on trying. She may not have a happy ending yet, but she’s on her way to making one.

Works Cited

“Agoraphobia.” All About Counseling., Web. 11 Oct. 2015.

“Agoraphobia: MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia.” U.S National Library of Medicine. U.S. National Library of Medicine, Web. 11 Oct. 2015.

Cherry, Kendra. “Loneliness.” About Education.,Web. 11 Oct. 2015.

Erickson, Kenny. “I’m a Shut-In. This Is My Story.” Medium., 20 Feb. 2013. Web. 11 Oct. 2015.